Reasons to Write About Your Life or Your Family

That’s me, Lynette Benton

Can’t think of reasons why you should you invest the time or effort to write about your life or your family?

Here are just a few reasons to write down stories about your life or your family.

  • To create a record
  • To preserve memories
  • To protect personal and family history from being lost
  • To celebrate accomplishments
  • To educate others (Show others, including future generations, how you or your family overcame obstacles.)
  • To share your take on public events (Show the ways in which the stories behind the headlines affected you or your family.)
  • To share your perspective on family mores and myths. (All families have mores and myths.)
  • To show “how things were” in the past
  • To discover a new take on occurrences in your life. (You’ll be surprised how writing about your life or your family reveals new views of things you’ve taken for granted.)

Don’t know what to write about? These can help.

Supercharge Your Writing With These Ideas

Need resources? Check out the information at these links.

How to Write What Matters

Women Writing on Family

Must-Have Memoir Writing Aids

Another Must-Have Memoir Writing Aid

If I’ve convinced you that writing about your life or your family is worthwhile, but you don’t know how to get started, or continue, get in touch with me. If you’re not sure I can help you, take a look at my Testimonials, then use the Contact tab to tell me about your project.

Advertisement Disclosure This website contains Amazon.com affiliate links. That means that Amazon.com purchases that originate on Tools and Tactics for Writers will help offset the expenses associated with this site. Your support is deeply appreciated!

Memoirist Linda Joy Myers, Ph.D. Wears Many Hats: Part 1

For years, I have admired the work of Linda Joy Myers, prominent author, memoir writing instructor, and founder and president of the National Association of Memoir Writers. She now appears here to share her wisdom and experience with all of you who write and read memoir and family history.

– Lynette

Linda Joy Myers

 All my life, I’ve been a passionate reader of stories—they helped save me. When I write, I enter a creative space to discover and share stories I hope will offer a relatable experience for the reader. As a teacher, I look for the gold in the writers’ stories, and help them dig deep into their creativity, their memories, and their courage. It’s satisfying to help them rise from the archeological dig of memories with meaningful moments that offer wisdom to others.

Based on my passion for stories, I founded the National Association of Memoir Writers (NAMW) to be a place where memoir writers could gather and learn. I wanted them to get the support that I’d needed early in my writing career when there were relatively few memoir writers.

Writing My Memoirs

I learned how writing and creativity help to heal wounds of the heart through journaling, writing poetry, and doing art. The research done by Dr. James Pennebaker, a clinical psychologist, proved that writing the truth about our lives helps us heal physically and emotionally.

Click the cover image to learn more about this book.

I found intense relief in writing Don’t Call Me Mother—A Daughter’s Journey from Abandonment to Forgiveness, a memoir about three generations of mothers who abandoned their daughters. I ended the silence that often accompanies abuse, and my words offered testimony about the tragedy of loss and fragmentation. I began to see myself and our family story through new eyes.

But the characters, especially my mother and grandmother, were not through with me, and another theme emerged. Through the years, I’d gathered stories about the Great Plains, the pioneers, and our family history; in this new memoir, I wanted to capture the essence and power of the plains. Digging deep to find the hidden truths in my family story had a parallel in understanding the history of America, and how our stories can embrace larger universal truths.

In my new memoir, Song of the PlainsA Memoir of Family, Secrets, and SilenceI unearth the story of my mother that she could never tell, and I travel with my grandmother on ships in the 1930s to her beloved England, walking in their shoes and seeing the world through their eyes. I learned that the antidote to the pain of the past is to find our authentic voice, and reveal the truths we discover. We shape that raw material into a story. It’s transformative, and I find a great sense of peace from having written both books.

Don’t miss Part 2 of Linda Joy’s discussion of her extensive work in the memoir field.

Linda Joy Myers is president of the National Association of Memoir Writers, and author of the award winning memoir Don’t Call Me Mother—A Daughter’s Journey from Abandonment to Forgiveness, and two books on craft: The Power of Memoir, and Journey of Memoir.

Her new memoir, Song of the Plains, A Memoir of Family Secrets, and Silence, is about breaking generational patterns through art and self-expression, and how history holds the clue for compassion and forgiveness.

She’s a co-author with Brooke Warner of two books: Breaking Ground on Your Memoir and Magic of Memoir. Myers writes for the Huffington Post, and co-teaches the program Write Your Memoir in Six Months. She has been a therapist for nearly 40 years, where the power of story is part of the healing process. She has been a memoir coach for the last 20 years.

Advertisement Disclosure This website contains Amazon.com affiliate links. That means that Amazon.com purchases that originate on Tools and Tactics for Writers will help offset the expenses associated with this site. Your support is deeply appreciated!

Memoirist Linda Joy Myers, Ph.D. Wears Many Hats: Part 2

In Part 2 of this post by Linda Joy Myers, prominent author, memoir writing instructor, and founder and president of the National Association of Memoir Writers, she continues to describe her wide ranging work in the field of memoir, both for herself and other memoir writers.

– Lynette

 The National Association of Memoir Writers

Every month we offer a free event, the Roundtable Book Discussion, and two member events that provide craft, inspiration, and memoir writing skills. The presenters on our teleseminars are engaged in their own creative processes, and wrestle with the same questions and trials. No matter how experienced we are, each work we undertake asks something new of us, and we’re pressed to solve that problem. On these calls, writers talk with each other about their challenges, comforted by knowing they aren’t alone as they work on their book. We offer free eBooks, discounted courses, and 100 audios of past teleseminars, resources that help memoir writers succeed.

Brooke Warner and I created the Write Your Memoir in Six Months course because we saw how profoundly memoir writers needed support, accountability, and craft. We developed a time frame and a word count goal to help with motivation and deadlines, and a curriculum that covers all aspects of craft in memoir, from beginning idea to structure, scenes, the narrative arc, revision, and publishing. We include the psychology of memoir writing: family, truth, shame, silence, and the inner critic. We’ve had a great response, which tells us that we’re doing something right for memoir writers! It’s inspiring for me as a teacher to be brought into the lives of the writers and help them find their story and guide them toward making their dream of publication come true.

Memoir and Family History Writing Thrives

As the Baby Boomer generation gets older, the interest in memoir and family history grows stronger. Perhaps it’s because our generation began to question the world forty or fifty years ago, and we’re still trying to understand and make meaning from our experiences. Many of this generation of writers want their books to be a legacy of love to their family.

Click the cover image to learn more about this book.

Advice for Writing Your Story to Heal Past Injuries

Make a list of 10-15 significant moments, both the dark and light memories. Choose one of those moments, and start writing. Draw upon photos and other memorabilia to help you remember details. Re-read your journals for clues. If you’re writing about pain, write for no more than 20 minutes to protect yourself from sinking too deeply into the darkness. Remember that you are both a character in the story, and the narrator who understands everything from a later vantage point. These two “I” voices weave together to create a new perspective and layers of insight that were missing when you were younger. Each scene has the potential to shift your point of view and move you forward to a new understanding about your life.

Check out Part 1 of Linda Joy’s discussion of her extensive work in the memoir field.

Linda Joy Myers is president of the National Association of Memoir Writers, and author of the award winning memoir Don’t Call Me Mother—A Daughter’s Journey from Abandonment to Forgiveness, and two books on craft: The Power of Memoir, and Journey of Memoir.

Her new memoir, Song of the Plains, A Memoir of Family Secrets, and Silence, is about breaking generational patterns through art and self-expression, and how history holds the clue for compassion and forgiveness.

She’s a co-author with Brooke Warner of two books: Breaking Ground on Your Memoir and Magic of Memoir. Myers writes for the Huffington Post, and co-teaches the program Write Your Memoir in Six Months. She has been a therapist for nearly 40 years, where the power of story is part of the healing process. She has been a memoir coach for the last 20 years.

Advertisement Disclosure This website contains Amazon.com affiliate links. That means that Amazon.com purchases that originate on Tools and Tactics for Writers will help offset the expenses associated with this site. Your support is deeply appreciated!

Top 3 Reasons Baby Boomers and Seniors Put Off Writing About Their Lives

Are you among those who chide themselves for not doing anything about those anecdotes your friends keep telling you that you should write down? Or maybe it’s those personal memories you feel you ought to share with the world? Or, you might feel weighed down by a nagging desire to preserve the history of your family for future generations?

Well, if you keep procrastinating about writing your stories, you’re not alone. When I give talks about life story writing, I usually face a roomful of folks wearing guilty expressions.

I open with a question for those in attendance.

“What are the differences among biography, autobiography, memoir, genealogy, and life stories?” I ask.

Reason #1
The audience looks perplexed; some individuals shift uncomfortably in their chairs. Someone might murmur a tentative response, but actually, no one’s quite sure what the different terms mean.

“It’s easier to write about your life if you know your options,” I tell them.

(Here are some of the different types of life story writing.)

Reason #2
After I explain the differences, the most frequent remark I hear from the audience is: “How can I start getting my story down on paper? I’m not sure I even remember a lot of what I want to write about.”

Reason #3
And invariably, the next remark is a perfectly valid one: “I feel overwhelmed by the prospect of writing all this stuff down.”

Well, in upcoming posts, I’m going to give you some tricks to get you started on that biography, autobiography, memoir, family history, genealogy, short personal tribute, or story from your life. I’ll also tell you about fabulously helpful resources.

I hope you’ll check back so you can get the “I-should-be-writing-this-down” monkey off your back. If any questions have you stumped, just put them in comment below and I’ll be sure to address them. And you might want to subscribe to future posts so you’ll be notified by email when they are published.

In the meantime, take a look at some of my Family History posts.

Having trouble getting your writing off the ground? Check out my Testimonials, and get in touch with me. I can help you out.

I'd love to know the personal histories associated with this building on a Washington, DC corner

I’d love to know the personal histories associated with this building on a Washington, DC corner

Advertisement Disclosure This website contains Amazon.com affiliate links. That means that Amazon.com purchases that originate on Tools and Tactics for Writers will help offset the expenses associated with this site. Your support is deeply appreciated!

Book Review: Women Writing on Family

Click the cover image to learn more about this book

Interest in genealogy, family history, and memoir* is so intense these days it’s about time a book to guide writers working in these genres became available.

Women Writing on Family: Tips on Writing, Teaching and Publishing, an anthology edited by Carol Smallwood and Suzann Holland, is that book. Smallwood says she was led to compile the collection when a novel she was working on raised questions concerning writing about her relatives.

“How much to tell, how much to leave out?” she wondered.

When no books came to her aid, she decided to collect essays by published women who were also experienced in writing about families. Why did she choose all women? She recalled Virginia Woolf’s observation: “We think back through our mothers if we are women.”

With eight sections (including one on “Writing Exercises and Strategies”) and 55 essays, Women Writing on Family can help women writing about family stay out of court on charges of libel from irate relatives; carve out writing time from frantic schedules; approach editors in the hopes of getting published; and promote their work—whether self- or traditionally-published—to the public.

In the opening essay, “Family Secrets: How to Reveal What Matters Without Getting Sued or Shunned,” Martha Engber takes writers on a tour of their—and others’—First Amendment rights, and offers tips on protecting yourself and those you write about.

Lela Davidson’s “Laundry, Life, and Writing: Making the Most of Short Sessions and Stolen Moments” (Don’t you love that title?) shows writers how they can make brief bursts of writing productive.

As a writing instructor, I tell my memoir-writing students not to bother writing paeans to their perfect childhoods. I won’t believe them and neither will anyone else. In her no-holds-barred essay, “How to Write a Childhood Memoir,” Catherine Gildiner lists the unpleasant memories writers should be willing to excavate from their own pasts, warning that writing a memoir “takes nerves of steel.”

If you’re ready to propel your story out into the world, take a look at “Identifying Potential Markets for Family Writing,” by Rebecca Tolley-Stokes, “Locating Markets for Writing About Family,” by Colleen Kappeler, and “A Writer’s Thoughts on Book Marketing,” by Ann McCauley. All three contain a host of valuable ideas for sharing your writing with larger audiences than your family.

*According to Booklist, the number of memoirs alone published over the last four years increased 400%.

If you’re up to exploring more hard-hitting memoir topics, see Supercharge Your Life Story with These Ideas.

Advertisement Disclosure This website contains Amazon.com affiliate links. That means that Amazon.com purchases that originate on Tools and Tactics for Writers will help offset the expenses associated with this site. Your support is deeply appreciated!

Family History Writing: Guest Post by Linda Gartz, Part 1

In Part 1 of her guest post below, Linda Gartz, who writes the ambitious and impressive Family Archaeologist blog, shares the intriguing story of her research into her family’s history and the discoveries she’s made. Part 2 offers tips to others interested in documenting their family histories.

cropped-blog-banner-11-14-10-3
Discoveries
After my mom died, my brothers and I sorted through a lifetime of memories in the sprawling Victorian house we had lived in for almost thirty years. In the attic we discovered letters, diaries, mementoes, and documents that dated back to the late 1800s.

My grandmother had also saved passports and scores of letters from Europe—a mystery for thirteen years after their discovery because they were written in an old German script that few people can read any longer.

Two years ago I found a 90-year-old woman in Germany who could decipher them. I mailed her printed copies; she decoded the handwriting and emailed me the modern German, which I translated into English. (I majored in German.)

What a treasure these “mystery” missives turned out to be! I discovered love letters between my grandparents, diaries each had kept of their separate journeys to America, letters from family and friends in “the old country,” and more, each adding a piece to the puzzle of who they were and what they sacrificed to come to America. It was like entering a time machine.

I’ve posted their letters, diaries, and other documents as an ongoing story on my blog. They represent the immigrant dream.

Revelations

So many revelations were buried in these letters and diaries. Through the 240 or so World War II letters, I met Frank, my father’s younger brother, whom I had never known.  My grandmother, who was rather distant and cool to her grandchildren, wrote letters to Frank during the war that were so filled with love and deep anxiety for her son, they completely changed my opinion of her. I’m like the proverbial fly on the wall. Through diaries and letters, I learn details that help me understand those pesky family dynamics we all live with.

I have the thrilling experience of reading my parents’ diary entries made when they were very young, a time in their lives so different from when I knew them. I even read Mom’s delicious descriptions of falling in love with my dad!

I plan to publish my family history, but just getting through the thousands of pages of material makes it difficult to pare it down to its publishable core. I’m not sure if it will be a full family history or a series of memoirs, each focusing on a different theme. Finding focus is the hardest part and I’m still working on that. (See the various topics, revealed in the letters and diaries, at Welcome to Family Archaeologist.)

I admire the bold action my grandfather took in coming to America at such a young age. I’m touched by the sweetness of naive young love, and saddened by the train wrecks I see coming through diary entries. I’ve become more empathic to my family members as I grasp more fully their emotional states and unfulfilled expectations.

Come back to read part 2 of the guest post by the Family Archaeologist.

To find out more about family histories, follow Linda on Twitter @lindagartz

_________________

Join me, Lynette Benton, on Thursday, September 29, 6 – 7:30 p.m. for a lively presentation on Life Story Writing at Minuteman High School, in Lexington, Mass.

Advertisement Disclosure This website contains Amazon.com affiliate links. That means that Amazon.com purchases that originate on Tools and Tactics for Writers will help offset the expenses associated with this site. Your support is deeply appreciated!