As part of my series, “When You Hate the Book You’re Writing,” about the challenges of writing works that are emotionally difficult, I asked Lisa to discuss what it’s like to write about her young adulthood as a reverend in what she came to consider a cult.

- Lynette

Lisa Kerr

Guest Post by Lisa Kerr

It’s been difficult to write my story since it’s filled with abuse and trauma, some of which I’ve blocked out. It’s hard to find a therapist who deals with cult survivors to help me work through specific memories, so I’ve found something that works for me. I give myself short writing exercises. Sometimes jotting down a moment, a smell, or a television show leads me to remember a little bit more, which eventually turns into pages of work.

Strategies that have helped me:

I blog about my experience at www.mycultlife.com. This serves three purposes.

1.     I have a place to vent about the frustration, anger, and betrayal, I felt while in the cult and upon leaving it.

2.     It establishes a community of like-minded ex-cult members who have had similar experiences (and thus make me feel less alone) and who teach me ways to recover. They also help me remember things, since a few of my blog readers were in the cult with me.

3.     It helps me write regularly. I was never an everyday writer before I started blogging. In fact, I could never figure out how other writers wrote every day. By blogging, I was able to create a small, dedicated readership that relied on new content every week. For about five months, I focused on recounting the details I remembered. Over those months, I ended up with hundreds of blog posts, many of which could be expanded into larger scenes for my memoir. Now ten months later, I have about eighty pages of good material for my memoir that I wouldn’t have had if I hadn’t started habitually writing for my blog.

Sometimes breaking through “lost” or “hidden” memories is as simple as sitting down and writing. I start with a line that vaguely reminds me of a situation and I free write from there. If I can’t finish the memory, I move on to something else that is more vivid. Then, I return to the first memory when it comes to me. This process usually leads to several pages of memories at a time, which I can later rewrite into a scene in my memoir.

I take notes often. If you’re in your car, and a song comes on that reminds you of something, carry a voice recorder to talk into. If a TV show reminds you of an event, pull out your laptop or a notebook and sketch a rough outline. Seize every moment you have to take notes.

I did this a few weeks ago when I saw a TV show, “Code Name: Kid Next Door.” It looked familiar, but I couldn’t remember why because it was related to a “hidden” memory. A few minutes into it, memories started flooding back to me. I used to nanny a girl named Eden; we watched this show frequently in her living room. The color of the floor, the sound of her baby brother crying, and the memory of making her a snack with purple grapes all came back to me. I’d “found” the door to a whole room full of other memories from that one moment.

My memoir has taken outline after outline, draft after draft, rewrite after rewrite to come up with something I can understand—and I’m still battling the project. If you’re writing a memoir and it’s taking a toll on you, take a vacation from it. Stop rushing to finish it and working to market it. Just absorb the story, memories, and emotions. Give yourself some grace, and then keep plugging away.

Lisa’s story on her life in a religious cult was featured on the North Carolina Public Radio show, The State of Things.

She is working on a proposal for her first non-fiction work, based on her on-line memoir, My Cult Life. To see more of Lisa’s work, visit www.thelisakerr.com.

For more about how to overcome the challenges of writing a painful memoir, visit When You Hate the Book You’re Writing: My Solution.

What do you do when an idea hits you and you’re otherwise engaged?
Ideas typically start flooding my mind while on the road running my morning errands. By mile 20, when my toddlers pass out snoring, I’ll pull into a gas station and scribble on my note pad, and won’t come up for air until the kids wake up.

At other times, when I feel the urge to purge my mind of an idea, I’ll reach for anything: a greasy napkin, a tattered envelope, the dorsal side of yesterday’s gas receipt, my kid’s field trip permission slip, anything to unload. In that, I am the epitome of creative. [See "Writer's Block" on Darah's blog.]

If I am unable to relieve myself from this explosion of ideas during the day, I’ll steal away late at night. After the children have finally fallen asleep and I’ve spent time with my adorable husband, I lose myself in the world of words until the wee hours. Sleeping very little, at night, I am fueled by adrenaline and my passion for writing—and by having sucked down inordinate amounts of caffeine throughout day.

About Darah: Aspiring author, business owner, and fitness enthusiast, Darah Zeledon just returned to the US after residing for nine years in South America with her large brood. Darah´s humorous and optimistic perspective on raising her children in today’s unstable world is strongly influenced by her experiences running a household and various businesses abroad.

Darah holds a BS in clinical psychology and an MS in international relations. None of her education or work experience has prepared her for the most challenging feat of all- mothering five “active and relentlessly inquisitive” children.

Read more of Darah’s musings at:
The Warrior Mom.

Find her on Facebook at:
Warrior Mom: Straight Talk from the Heart.

For more tips on finding time to write, see Polish and Publish: The Indispensable Tool for Creative Writers.

It’s been tons of fun. Writing my Examiner.com articles leads me to folks I wouldn’t have access to otherwise. But it can’t compete with the satisfaction I get from teaching and writing about Tools & Tactics for Creative Writers.

So, I’m taking a brief break from the Examiner for a little reflection—a necessary and enjoyable indulgence for us writers.

I’ve been thinking about this blog—mostly about what to reveal. This space is different from my Examiner space, which is entirely about its readers, not about me. With only one or two exceptions, I always write in the third person there.

This blog is different, too, from my creative writing blog.  As Simmons is both my alma mater and my former employer, discretion is the better part of valor for me there.

Here, I’ll share what I’ve been wanting to for a while: honest writing. And it won’t all have the happy endings that the mainstream magazines require no matter how dire the story.

I’ll post my published work, my not-yet-published work, and my (thankfully few) rejected works, and offer some ideas about why I think those pieces were rejected.

Finally, I’ll write about my favorite writers and the thinkers I try to learn from. My debt to them is as gigantic as their art and their minds are. I’ll never succeed in emulating them, but I’m glad they’ve taken up residence in my mind.